Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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