They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
