did you get engaged???
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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