The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
