Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
