You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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