Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
