fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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