I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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