Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
