You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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