the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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