how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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