I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
