he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
