i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
