Please, let me fuck your mom
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
