My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
