Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
