Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
