so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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