He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
