Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
