I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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