...so i touched it.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
