he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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