i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
