Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I deserve this hangover.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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