Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
