Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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