I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
