told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
