Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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