Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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