don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
