Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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