While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
