if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
