I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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