I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
this just has baby written all over it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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