I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
