Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
