I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
