did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she told me i tasted like america
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
