i don't like sucking hair
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
