In America we eat man semen.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
