There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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