For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
