end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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