I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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