I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
