u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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